5 Tips to Say Goodbye to Shyness

Shyness is a fairly common phenomenon - four out of ten people consider themselves to be shy. Those affected suffer from insecurity and this can often lead to isolation and loneliness. Shy people also have a higher risk of developing other problems such as anxiety or depression.

But here is the good news: shyness can be overcome! Of course, it is a process that takes time and effort, but the result will be well worth it!

Starting to get rid of shyness

There are a whole lot of shy people out there who would love to be able to cast away the shackles of timidity. ‘Where there’s a will, there’s a way’ they say, and in this case, it’s true. Losing your shyness and becoming more communicative can be practiced. We present to you 5 ways to overcome your shyness!

1. Insight is the first step to a new you

Timid people often underestimate themselves and become submissive to other people who they believe can do things much better than themselves. That feeling of being subordinate to others is even more upsetting than the timidity which causes it.

The first thing you need to accept is that you have a problem which you want to solve. Not for anybody else, but to make you feel better about yourself. Before you can get rid of your shyness, it is very important to get to the bottom of it. Consider the type of situation where you feel particularly shy. How exactly do you feel about being in that type of situation? Do you think you could handle it differently?

2. Learn to accept your weaknesses

Don’t be desperate to please others. If you always put on a mask, you are under pressure to keep it on in the future. Emphasize your strengths and learn to accept your weaknesses, so that you can overcome them.

Self-confidence is not something that you are going to pick up in a day. Just take the first step, and from there start to challenge yourself again and again on a daily basis. Think about the situations that are causing you mental and physical stress. Don’t run away making up some excuse about why you can’t make it this time. Those unpleasant feelings of fear and inadequacy will either shrink or disappear by themselves, allowing you to build up more and more self-assurance.

3. Practice makes perfect

Is asking a stranger for the time or for directions difficult for you? Do you start sweating when you think about talking in front of a lot of people? The best way to overcome such fears is to consciously tackle them. Try to practice with the people with whom it is easiest; a relative or a close friend will be happy to help you.

Go slowly and don’t put yourself under pressure. With the first little successes, you will see how your confidence grows. The next time a volunteer is sought for a presentation or a speech in front of a small group, then you might just find yourself raising your hand!

Social conditions are perfect occasions to train your social skills. The more you do, the better you get. Remember that sometimes jumping into cold water can be a good thing, and as they say, it’s not so bad once you’re in!

4. A smile opens a lot of doors

An unimpressed and cordial smile opens the doors to the hearts of other people, makes us more self-assured and is therefore a decisive factor for personal and professional success.

So a smile always acts as an ice breaker, as it instantly relaxes the atmosphere. You also show that you are interested in interacting with your opponent.

Almost all people find that someone who smiles is much more attractive and immediately appears to be sympathetic. So a smile is a perfect way to get to know someone and start a nice conversation.

5. Feel good in your own skin

Timid people are usually the hardest on themselves and their inner voice can be very demanding. If you judge yourself harshly, you are more likely to be judged by others in the same light.

In order to overcome that inner “black dog", you should start by focusing on your positive qualities and expanding upon these. Only those who feel comfortable in their own skin can feel comfortable among strangers. If you continually doubt yourself you also radiate that uncertainty, and other people will pick up on that.

A good exercise is to clarify your positive qualities. To get started, take the time to sit down and write a list of all the things you are particularly good at. It doesn’t matter how big or small they are. If you want, you can ask a good friend or someone from your family to help you with the list.

Always remember that nobody is perfect and that we all mistakes. You don’t have to let the mistakes you made in the past act as a permanent obstacle to how you behave in future. Imagine how boring it would be to meet someone who had never made a mistake in their life! Try to look at your faults and weaknesses with serenity and acceptance.

What our body language says about us

Our body language also reveals a whole lot about us. How do you affect your fellow men, what do the movements of your eyes and hands tell you about you? Body language can be analyzed and you can work on it very specifically – we promise! If you want to be perceived as a self-confident person, then read on!

The former FBI agent Joe Navarro explains in his book "What Every BODY is Saying" that there are certain universal, nonverbal expressions of nervousness that are difficult to control. But here, too, there are some tricks to be more self-assured.

Signs of nervousness

1. Blinking too much

According to experts, frequent blinking is a sign of stress, nervousness or lying. A steadily lowered and roving gaze also points to uncertainty. Various studies have confirmed that we are more willing to follow someone with a strong and self-confident gaze than someone who looks ‘sneaky’ or ‘treacherous’. It is therefore particularly important to be aware of the effect of our gaze in terms of how people view us.

2. Lips tightly closed

Navarro says that tightly closed lips is an indicator of mental stress. Someone under pressure will squeeze his lips to the point that you can see them lighten in colour.

The body language expert Monika Matschnig suggests that clenched lips give the impression of defensiveness and fear of rejection. Someone who squeezes his lips gives the impression to other people of being concentrated only on himself rather than other people. Shy people can sometimes keep their lips closed tightly together.

3. Playing with your hair

Running your hand through your hair is a sign of nervousness and restlessness. When we are in stressful situations, we touch our hair more frequently. There are even people who cover their faces with their hair, which does not create a great impression. It seems that we are hiding behind our hair because we have something to hide.

Repetitive twisting and turning of hair suggests boredom, according to Navarro. Doing the same thing over and over again can actually be a way to relieve anxiety or stress. For some people, this is a kind of stress management, but it can seem like a nervous tic to everybody else.

4. Excessive yawning

Usually, we associate yawning with tiredness or boredom. A person who, for example, constantly yawns at a speech or a lecture expresses disinterest in what’s going on around them. In our culture, yawning is usually classified as being a derogatory gesture, which is why you try to suppress it or conceal it as much as possible.

According to Navarro, yawning is a way to relax the jaw joint and reduce the feeling of stress. Nervous animals, for example, show the same behaviour. Researchers have found that stress and anxiety cause an elevated body temperature. Among other things, during periods of stress hormones are activated which increase blood pressure and heart rate, which in turn leads to a feeling of greater warmth. Yawning helps to regulate our body temperature as it brings cool air into the mouth, but it doesn’t look too good to the people you are interacting with!

5. Touching your face

Body language experts all agree on this one. If someone touches their face or neck shortly after saying something, this is a sign of concealment or even lying.

Hand-to-face gestures have a negative effect on the person we’re speaking to. Lying causes stress, which makes us nervous. Symptoms of nervousness include restless and uncoordinated movements such as scratching the face or rubbing the side of the nose.

6. Wringing your hands

Our hand gestures are a central element in how we communicate and provide information about our intentions and emotions. Clenching of the hands indicates anger or frustration. Someone who twists their hands and knots their fingers together demonstrates nervousness and even defensiveness.

5 Expert Tips to Make You More Self-Assured

In many areas of our lives, self-confidence is the key to success. Confident people stand out, particularly in professional and private life.

Self-awareness can be learned! Even if you change small things in your body language, you can make a big difference. According to experts, these 5 tips help to radiate more confidence.

1. Pay attention to your posture

A person who stands with their shoulders hunched looks sad and exhausted. A slouched upper body signals closedness or even fear. On the other hand, if you stand straight and with your shoulders back, you radiate honesty and confidence. An open posture with your chest out also gives the impression of fearlessness and self-confidence.

2. Maintain eye contact

If you openly and honestly look into somebody’s eyes, you show self-confidence and self-assurance. With a smile, you also send non-verbal messages of interest and sympathy. Eye contact is the first step towards physical or emotional contact and can break the ice between two people. It also plays a crucial role in the course of a conversation. Thus eye contact can, for example, illustrate the seriousness of a situation even without words. Regular eye contact is also an act of courtesy.

3. Take your hands out of your pockets!

Whenever people can’t see your hands, whether that’s because they are in your pockets or behind your back, they will subconsciously have negative feelings towards you. Someone whose hands are kept out of sight is seen as being untrustworthy as if he had something to hide.

Folding our arms makes us appear closed and unresponsive, and in fact, a study carried out on students suggests that it may prevent us from retaining information too. Researchers who carried out that study found that the students were taking in up to 38 per cent less information when their arms were folded. So an open attitude not only appeals to the other person but also increases our performance.

4. Use your hands to gesticulate

Keep your hands open and visible in front of or beside your body. Do not be afraid of using a gesture to illustrate or emphasize a point. When the palm of the hand is open and facing upwards, it gives the impression of honesty and signals willingness to cooperate.

Dramatic hand and arm movements going away from the body, such as lifting the arms with open palms, reveal openness. With this type of gesture, we show ourselves as being unprotected and fearless.

5. Listen and show interest

To become more self-confident, you should focus on the person you are speaking with instead of worrying about how others perceive you. This is where the expression, ‘be interested, not interesting’ comes into play. Focus on the other person and really listen to what they are saying, don’t be distracted by negative feelings or worries about yourself.

Listen attentively, don’t feel that you have to interject, and let them talk in peace. In order to ensure that you have correctly understood the argument or point of view of the person who’s speaking, you can repeat it in your own words. But don’t be afraid to ask if you're not sure. A hand to the chin, regular nodding and direct eye contact display active listening and show willingness to compromise.

As we said earlier, it can be a long and often painstaking process to get rid of shyness and become more self-assured. You won’t succeed immediately, but thanks to our tips you will find that it will get easier for you to interact with other people. From small talk at a party to making a presentation in front of your work colleagues, they will all start to get a whole lot easier!

Sources:

selbstbewusstsein-staerken.net
schuechtern.eu
simplify.de
psychcentral.com
psychologytoday.com